Conviction

During the first week of my freshman year at BC, my friends and I went to the campus organizational fair. There was this really cute guy with a sweet goatee manning the Karate Club table, so naturally I signed up for Karate. Weeks in and I was hooked. However there was one exercise I struggled with.

Usually at the beginning and end of each class Dr. Minnix, our sensei, would have us sit, close our eyes, breath and silently clear our minds by counting. Once a stray thought entered your mind, you would stop, clear it out and start the count over.

This is how it went for me:

One

Two

Can I get away with size 14 font on my 5 page paper? Dang it!

One

Two

Three

*I can’t believe I almost killed Dicegay…

One

Two

I like this color of nail polish…

My mind, is like a freight train. I could be making millions if those freight train thoughts were productive. Sadly, they are not.

I find that I have this same issue not only in my everyday life, but it intensifies in my spiritual life.

I remember a friend of mine said that she finished the entire Bible in the matter of weeks. It took me 3 years to get from cover to cover. It can take up to 30 minutes for me to read a chapter, and that is not because I am delving into every single word. I am constantly distracting myself.

This is what Psalm 91, my favorite chapter, would look like in my head:

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High

will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I wish  raw kale and spinach didn't taste like slugs

This I declare about the Lord:

He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;

he is my God, and I trust him.

Wouldn’t it be cool to have a pet rabbit? Would it get along with Grayson

He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
Nick kissed Jess. I wonder if this will mess up the entire mojo of the loft?

For he will rescue you from every trap

and protect you from deadly disease.
Did I set my alarm?

Obviously not much has changed since my freshman year. Psalm 91 is probably the most beautiful passage in the Bible and I ruin it! My thoughts are irreverent and irrelevant. My quiet time is being attacked and I am not soaking in what I should be learning and applying to my life. 

Several women from my family/framily are reading Crazy Love together. (Guess who is way behind in reading? Me!) While discussing our readings, my cousin brought up the parable of the sower and the soil. Good soil retains the Word of God, the bad soil does not. 

I am bad soil. I am a lukewarm Christian. 

My goal should not be reading through the New Living Translation, but to desire to learn from each word. It is time to set new goals. 

*Story for another day